Price List

Price List for academic informatic assistence

• Calling us with a question - $10
• Calling us with a stupid question - $20
• Calling us with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $30
• Implying we are incompetent because we can't interpret your inarticulate problem description - $1000 + punitive damages
• Calling us back with the same problem after we fix it once - $100
• Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is our end somehow - $200
• Asking us to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $5/step
• If you interrupt us while we are trying to actually fix somebody else's problem - $45/hr
• If you try to hang around and get us to fix it now - $50/hr
• If you expect us to tell you how we fixed it - $60/hr
• If you've come to ask us why something isn't working that we are currently working on - $70/hr
• If you're asking us to fix something we fixed for you yesterday $75/hr
• If yu're asking us to fix soemthing we told you we fixed yesterday, but never did fix - $85/hr
• if you're asking us to fix a quick patch that we made that didn't work $95/hr
• Making us trek your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone - $1550.00
• Calling up with a problem which everybodyin the office is having and which is stopping all work. Not being there when we rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it - $1700.00
• Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home - $500.00
• Self-diagnosing your problem and informing us what to do - $150.00
• Having us bail you out when you perform your own repairs we told you not to do - $300.00
• Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive - $50.00
• BEFORE we order your repalcement hard drive - $250
• Fixing your broken mouse with a mousepad - $25.00
• Fixing your broke optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees - $35.00
• Fixing a broken mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50.00
• Fixing your broken printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
• Fixing your broken ANYTHING with the power button - $250.00
• Fixing the hung system by plugging the ethernet transceiver back in - $400
• Explaining that you can't log in to some server bacause you don't have an account there - $10
• Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used t have an account on because you used to try to break into the above server - $500
• Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger - $400
• Installing programs without informing us/getting permission first $40 per program
• technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour (regardless of whether I know the program or not)
• Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of keyboard
• Leving files on desktop - $5 per file
• Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say..."So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling us to do" - $40
• Listening your network troubles, suggetsing that you check to see if you are plugged into the networkjack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish "Oops, never mind" - $35(including discount for polite apology)
• Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software - $25
• Dealing with "How can I get another copy of (obvoiusly pirateed software)? Mine just died" requests - $45
• Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site - $50,00/hr
• Dealing with user who (self-proclaimed) smarter then we are, but still calls every other day for help - $100.00/hour
• Dealing with computer hobbiests - $125.00/hour
• Questioning the other prices............$50

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